Heartcrumble

I always thought when my heart broke for the first time that it wold be sudden, like the time someone threw a cement block at my passenger side window and it shattered into a thousand pieces, scattered across the front seats of my car with no hope of putting it back together. That's what I thought it would be like; but this is different. This is more like that little ding you get in your windshield, and as the temperature rises and drops, as more little stones hit your window, it gets more cracks and more dings, and eventually what started out as small crack is covering your entire windshield, spider-webbed out across the entirety of the window pane. Then all it takes is the tinniest little stress to render it useless. Finished. Done.

That's how my heart breaking feels. It's not a break, it's more like an erosion. A crumble. A heartcrumble.

Now

I wish that I could show you

The me that I am now

How different I am from that girl

You left

I’m stronger now

More grounded now

I know what I want now

But I can’t have it now.

I know, it’s crazy

Most things are

But I tend to think

Just now and then

That in a different time

We would have been perfect

But I was too young

Ignorant

Naïve

I couldn’t compete.

So now I write a letter

Or maybe even a word

About how if only

If only

Now

It could have been wonderful.